It’s been months since the 7th International Peace Training for Creating Culture of Peace. I am very grateful to be one part of this training.
This is the third time I participated in international training. The first training was in 2018; the second training was in 2019 (I only attended half of the sessions every day because I had to work), and this year I finished the full course. I am increasingly convinced that peace should be ordinary. Peace is already within everyone, if you want to be open to it.
This year I took the opportunity to do an internship and facilitate training. I cannot deny that a few days before the training began, I still had the question, “Can I do it?” Fears and feelings of inferiority arise. “What if I make a mistake while facilitating, what will people think of me later?” Many times I convinced myself, practiced, and prepared myself, but the feeling still often arose. I was stressed, had difficulty sleeping, and sometimes dreamed about the training. Then I did our practice of stopping, in my body and mind.
Two days before the training, we did team building. I said that I was nervous and I asked friends to support me if I made a mistake, I wanted to practice the mutual agreement: Practice and Enjoy!
The facilitator and trainees are very supportive of each other, together we trained ourselves to normalize inner peace and bring it to the community. We celebrated mistakes, seeing them as usual for everyone. There is nothing wrong with doing something “wrong,” if from it we can learn and become better. That helped me.
I realized that one of the things that blocks me was the feeling of being incapable. I found it hard to believe in myself that I had the capability. I think this has something to do with my past. I really wanted to join the Stories of Trauma session, but because I didn’t have a partner, I couldn’t participate in that activity.
Luckily I had a chance outside the session, I practiced with Jung Joo to recover from trauma. She helped me to make sure my work was right and helped me to remember more details and put them in my picture. This isn’t very easy to do, because many times, I focused on the emotional feelings, rather than the body feelings and what I could see or hear around me. I can’t believe I was able to complete this step. Even just remembering the incident made me fixate on it again. But after doing the stories of trauma, did the question, “Can I do it?” keep coming up? Yes, the question still arose! The difference is my reaction to that question. Now I respond to myself, “I’m grateful I made a mistake, so I can learn how to do it better all the time.”